New Year’s Day has always been stressful for me. I think of all the things I screwed up last year. I think of all the hobbies I abandoned last year. I think of all the old friends and family I did not spend enough time with last year. I think about all the times I had too much coffee and wine, and wish my teeth were whiter. I think about all the times I had desert and skipped a workout, and wish the scaled said I’m healthy.
Today is different.
I like owls. I have owl mugs, owl ornaments on my Christmas tree, and owl paintings on my wall.
I like things that smell good. I collect perfume, candles, lotion, oils, anything, and I don’t care if it’s Bath and Body Works or Dollar Tree. It’s so comforting to walk into a room that smells delicious.
I like my career. Stressful is an understatement, but teaching has become part of my identity.
I love my husband. He is my best friend and he loves me – hangups and all.
I feel good. My body is not “healthy,” but health is a lifelong journey. The scale isn’t happy and neither are the clothing sizes, but I am.
I think I’m happy. I think I like me. Is this what that feels like?
For the first time, I have no pressing need to make a New Year’s Resolution (or ten). I have a lot of things to improve about myself but I recognize that I will be improving myself forever. Today I’ll revisit my goals but I will not despair. Today I’ll stay driven instead of trying to restart. Today I have decided to like who I am.
This is a new feeling. I think I like me.